Mrs Moody emotionless world

Am i a good role model to follow?
I feel very lousy of myslef lately..esp after the serious flu.. down at home for five days..
feel that i am not a good role model to fellow...
or should i said i had lesser friend no a day.. my friend are getting less..
i guess it is my problem..
lazy to keep update?
or i am not a good people at all..
i mean, my character, got some problem that is the reason why people dun like me
am i a perfectionist?
or i am too care of how people thinking about me?
i hear no negative things about me
but just feeling my surrounding are changing
the people attitude toards me change
i am not so call "popular"
i should not said popular but just i dun feel attach to anywhere
i am like isolated in some where call "island"
maybe too many work and too less church
no workship and no preaching for too long
too cynical about myself
now i am
being paranoid of meeting people..
being paranoid of building up friendship..
because no one will remember if we dun have times to catch up
one up coming question!!!
Am I a good mother if i can't be a good person..
will i be a bad influence to my child?
will my child stress becasue of me?
will he be okay physically and mentally?
there are too many question in my mind running wild..
tough to sleep, will just wake up in horror
no peace in mind and heart
during "illness" peroid..
i can't sleep but being dizzy for 72 hours
i did not sleep but being repeating some moment of life
i cried and feel numb...
why ?
pre natal blue?
hope it will go off soon